Sinking Slowly
by OhSoSam
Summary: Eli Goldsworthy was somewhat repaired, but Clare broke him again. Never would he love another, that is, until he met somebody just as broken as himself.
1. Chapter 1

Sinking Slowly

**This is basically a fan fiction about Eli.**

**In the beginning few chapters, it'll be Clare and Eli….but based off of the recent promo, they will end.**

**And Eli will loose himself, but maybe someone can save him. Say, someone just like him?**

**If you're a complete EClare fan. You may not like this.**

**Sorry if you don't.**

***Main theme based off of the song "Swallow" by the lovely and talented, Emilie Autumn. (:**

Summary:

He was somewhat repaired, but became broken again. Never would he love another, that is, until he met somebody just as broken as himself.

Chapter One

Eli's POV

Everything's perfect. I never thought I'd smile again, but Clare's changed that. She's been there for me, she's helped me get rid of the past that consumed me. And for that I can't thank her enough. I love her. She's pretty much my life.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked her, as we sat on my living room couch. She was staring into space, I knew when she was thinking.

"Nothing really, I'm just thinking about us." She said with a smile, I smirked and leaned in and kissed her.

"Elaborate?" I asked her, she shrugged, "We've come along way since we first met. It's crazy how much we have." She said, I smiled. "It's pretty intense." I agreed, she nodded. "I'm happy about it all though. It's been a long road, but well worth it." She said, I smirked, "It has been. But together, we can do anything." I said, as I leaned in closer to her, "Clare, I love you." I said, "with all my heart." I added, as I waited for her to reply. "I love you too, Eli." She smiled, as she wasn't as serious about it as me. We told each other we loved one another before, but this time I wanted it to be different, I wanted her to know that she was my life.

"No, Clare, I mean, I really love you. Without you, I probably wouldn't even still be living right now. You're the only thing in my life that matters." I said, as her happy expression turned into a frown. I waited for her to reply, it seemed like hours, but it was only minutes. "Eli…I, uh, am glad that you feel that way." She stuttered, as she looked at her watch, she began to stand up, I watched as she checked her phone for messages or missed calls. Before I could even move she spoke up, "It's getting late. I should get home before my parents worry." She said, and headed to the door, I followed her quickly.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked her, she turned to me and paused for a moment, her nervous expression went to a small smile. "…No, Eli. Of course not. I just don't want to get in trouble for being late or anything." She said, I nodded, pretending to buy it, but I didn't. "Well okay. I can drive you home." I suggested, normally she jumped at that request. She loved Morty.

"You don't have to. I can walk, thanks though." She smiled, and pecked me on the lips, before I could even say goodbye she ran off. I watched as she practically ran home. _Dammit Goldsworthy._

Later that night I sat in my room, on my bed. Just looking at the picture on my nightstand. It was a photo of Clare and I, she had her beautiful pure smile on, and I had my signature smirk. It was how we were. Complete opposites, which were perfect for the other.

Clare was constantly on my mind, no matter what. I always thought of her, I always wanted to be with her.

I thought about what just happened though. I told Clare everything, and I meant every word. And all she could say was she was glad I felt that way.

I knew I did something wrong, I knew somehow maybe Clare wasn't ready to know that she was my everything. But it was true, I can't change the way I feel.

…Or maybe I'm just being paranoid. Yeah, maybe that's it. I'm sure by tomorrow, when I see her again, everything will be back to the way it always has been.

I hope.

**So, love it? Hate it?**

**Come on, I can take it. :P**

**It'll be interesting. The next chapter's very sad, if you love Eli and Clare together.**

**Now don't think I don't. I like EClare. But I wanted to try something different.**

**Work with me, okay?**

**I DON'T OWN DEGRASSI. Trust me, if I did, you would know. xD **

**But yeah. I hope you all liked it.**

**It'll get better. (:**

**Review please? They make me smile. And I like to smile.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Clare's POV

I was sitting in Ali's room, she laid on her bed, reading some fashion magazine, while I sat on the small chair beside her, looking through her makeup. I hated to admit it, but I was now a makeup lover. All thanks to Ali really. She helped me embrace my natural beauty.

"Aren't these the cutest shoes you've ever seen?" Ali asked me, as she showed me a picture from her magazine. They were a pair of red high heels, and I mean HIGH. It was Ali's style though, not mine. I shrugged. "They're alright." I said, Ali rolled her eyes, "Alright? They're everything I've ever wanted, all in a shoe." She grinned, I couldn't help but laugh. Ali was so serious about fashion and shoes – especially shoes.

Before I could say anything, my phone started to vibrate. I quickly grabbed it, I had a new text message. Before I could even read it, Ali spoke up, "Let me guess, Eli?" She asked, I nodded, my expression emotionless. The text message said,

_Hey blue eyes. Dot in 20 minutes?_

I sighed, I was glad Eli and I were together. We had been for a few months now, but lately he's been constantly calling me or texting me. Not that it's a bad thing, but it's beginning to get annoying considering the fact that I feel like I can't do anything without him.

I replied to the text message,

_Can't. At Ali's. _

I stared at the cell phone, I frowned. I didn't know what to do, but I did know that I couldn't keep going on like this.

Ali must've noticed the look on my face, "What'd he say?" She asked me. I bit my lip.

Before I answered Ali, he sent another text message.

_Aww, can't you just come see me? For a few minutes? I miss you._

That message would've bothered me so much if I hadn't of just seen him yesterday.

I tried not to get mad, I took a deep breath and replied to him, hoping to end this for today.

_No, sorry. Ali needs me. It's, um, girl stuff._

I hit send, I felt bad about lying. Ali didn't need me, we were just hanging out, but I needed a reason to get out of seeing him for the day. I looked at Ali, she gave me a questioning look.

"Is everything okay?" She asked me, I let out a sigh. "Depends on what you mean by 'okay'." I said, and looked down at my phone, one last text from Eli.

_Aww. ): Well I guess I understand. Call you later? I love you so much._

I just shut the phone. I didn't want to reply. Because no matter what I said, he'd still call me tonight, and I'd either not answer or talk for a few minutes and make up a lie about how my mom needed the phone. That's how things were going lately.

"Okay, Clare, spill." Ali said, I took a breath, "I really don't know what's going on." I said. "What do you mean? You and Eli have always had a perfect relationship." Ali said, I shook my head. "Not perfect…Eli and I are close, and he's always there for me. He's been really great throughout this whole divorce thing with my parents," I paused, trying to remain strong, the divorce wound was still fresh. "But lately it's almost like he's everywhere I turn. I barely ever have time just to myself or with my friends. It feels like he's taking over my life." I said, it was the truth. He wasn't doing it in a mean way, not at all, just in a clingy way. And that was still as annoying. "I just need some space." I added, Ali thought for a second. "Have you told Eli that?" She asked me, I shook my head. "No," I sighed, "I don't want to hurt him. I understand why he's been so clingy, because of everything with Julia. But I'm not Julia, and I'm not going to end up like her either." I said.

Ali nodded. "Instead of telling me this, Clare, maybe you should tell Eli." She said.

I shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe you're right." I said, as I began to loose myself in though. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I knew it'd have to come out sometime.

Luckily, before I started to feel completely guilty, Ali changed subjects.

"Hey, I know what'll make you feel better." She grinned, "What?" I asked her.

"I bought about 30 dollars worth of junk food, and every romantic chick-flick I could find." She said, I couldn't help but laugh. "Then let's not let them go to waste." I said with a smile, she laughed and we got up and walked downstairs.

That feeling of guilt about my situation with Eli was quickly replaced with potato chips and chocolate chip cookies, along with a can of Coke and the movie, "The Notebook".

It felt good to be about to just hang out, no boyfriend, just my best friend.

But as great as I felt right now, I knew it wouldn't last. Because later on Eli would call me and that guilty confused feeling would come back.

I needed a change. I just didn't know how I could without someone's heart getting broken.

**What do you think? It's a little sloppy. But I'm kinda high on cold medicine at the moment. So forgive me. xD**

**PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW! **

**If you didn't notice Eli and Clare are on the rocks…and someone will step in and help things out. I can't tell you how, but I can tell you, she's something. (:**

**I'll write a bunch more over the weekend, if not sooner.**

**Tell your friends, I need some more views! As for people already reading this, thank you. I love you with all my heart! 3 **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Eli's POV

Something's wrong. I can just feel it somehow.

Clare has been really distant lately, whenever I call or text her, she hardly says a word…that is, if she even answers my calls or responds to my text messages.

We had plans, like always on the weekends, and for the past 3 weeks, she's broken them. Blaming it on family or church stuff. Which, I don't buy. I know Clare is very much involved with her church and her family, but not for 3 whole weeks. She used to jump at the chance to be with me, now it's as if she couldn't care less.

I don't know what's going on, but I intend to find out. I can't loose Clare, I already lost Julia forever…and I refuse to have Clare leave me. She's the only person worth living for. Without her, I just might loose my mind completely.

Today, we're hanging out, finally. I asked her ahead of time, and made sure she didn't have any plans. She was very strange about the subject of meeting up, but I persuaded her to say yes. I had my ways…for now.

I got dressed, I put on some jeans and a random black t-shirt. I slipped on my black blazer and my boots.

I walked to Morty and drove to Clare's house. It'd been only a few weeks since we were together, but I couldn't wait to see that beautiful blue eyed curly haired girl.

I honked Morty's horn, Clare walked out. She had on a pair of fitted blue jeans, flats, and a red blouse. Normally she smiled and waved to me as soon as she saw me sitting in Morty. But instead she glanced up, bit her lip, looked away, and continued walking toward me. I had a deep feeling of nervousness inside from that reaction. I tried to push the thought away, it was nothing….wasn't it?

She opened the passenger door and slid in, she shut the door, but didn't say a word. She didn't even look at me. I took a breath, "Hey Blue Eyes. I've missed you." I said, as I leaned over and kissed her lips. Normally she returned the favor, and deepened the kiss somehow, but she didn't, she didn't even move. It was like kissing a lifeless body.

I leaned back and looked at her, her eyes looked the car floor, I waited for her to say something.

"Hi Eli," She muttered, as she crossed her arms.

"Is something wrong Clare?" I questioned her. She thought for a moment, then shook her head. "No…let's just get going. The Dot, right?" She asked, I shrugged. "It's whatever you want, Clare Bear." I smirked, hoping to get at least a smile, instead she chewed on the inside of her lip. "I told you not to call me that." She said, looking away. I didn't respond, I just drove off, to The Dot.

We arrived at The Dot, I got an order of fries and a Coke, Clare got a tea and a muffin. We sat outside on the bench. She still acted weird, she hadn't said anything to me. I decided to break the silence.

"Clare…I love you. What's wrong? I don't like seeing you this way." I said, as I moved in a little closer to her, she sipped her tea.

"I don't want to talk about it." She said, as she took the last bite of her muffin, I leaned over a little more, brining my face closer to hers.

"Did you and Ali have a fight?" I asked her, she shook her head, looking at her feet. I continued, I was going to get to the bottom of this.

"Is it your parents?" I asked, maybe the divorce was harder than I thought.

"No," She said, I decided to try the last resort, the last reason I could think of.

"Is it me?" I asked her, she didn't move, she didn't shake her head. I continued, "If you're upset because we don't see each other much anymore, I am too, Clare." I paused, as I saw a tear roll down her cheek, I decided to keep talking, she was sad because we barely saw each other anymore. I couldn't disagree.

"I think I know the solution to this problem," I smirked, "We need to spend more time together. Just the two of us." I said, as I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her close. She shut her eyes tightly, then opened them. Nothing could stop the pain from what she was going to say next…

"Eli, stop it! You're suffocating me!" She yelled, as she pushed my arm away and stood up. I froze. I was speechless. Clare Edwards could say a lot of things, but none of them could make me feel so shocked. I thought she loved the attention I gave her.

She continued to talk, "Eli, I understand that you don't want to loose me like Julia." She said.

_Julia._

A piece of my heart broke off.

Clare continued, "But I need some time alone. I can't deal with you constantly being everywhere I turn."

_Alone._

I felt another piece break off.

I didn't want to hear what she was going to say next.

"I just…I need some space." She sighed, "I need a break."

_I need a break._

My heart shattered into a thousand pieces.

A break didn't mean, a few months out of this relationship. A break meant, the end.

I couldn't believe this, I just stared at her. I felt numb. I felt as if somebody had just destroyed me and ripped me apart.

I never thought I'd see this happened…..I thought she loved me. I couldn't believe it.

Clare Edwards was leaving me.

**It's sad, I know. I got a little emotional writing it.**

**But it makes for good drama! (:**

**Sorry it took so long, I had a big dance show to get ready for.**

**It was last night. It went great!**

**Next chapter, will be somewhat sad…but a interesting.**

**I hope you liked it!**

**Review! Review! Review!**

**Oh…did I mention…REVIEW!**

**Thanx. ;) **


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Clare's POV

Don't get me wrong, I know I hurt Eli. I could see it all over his face…and yes, I do still love him. I just need some time to myself.

He'll be fine. He has Adam, his parents, and other friends, I guess.

I'm not all he has. I didn't ruin his life. He'll move on, he's strong.

Or maybe, I'm completely wrong.

Eli's POV

She's gone.

I can't help but stare at the picture of us on my nightstand. We were so happy, we were meant to be. Forever, but why aren't we then?

I need Clare. I don't have any other reason to continue on with life without falling back into deep depression.

No. I will not commit suicide. It isn't that that bad…yet.

But I have no reason to care about anything. Because the only person that I loved since Julia didn't die, she's still breathing, but she doesn't want me anymore.

Suddenly my phone rang, I wanted it so badly to be Clare. To have her say, Eli I'm so sorry, I want you back.

But it wasn't.

It was Adam.

I answered it, though I wasn't stable. Adam was my best friend, he's the only guy I wanted to talk to in this time of pain.

"Hey man, are you busy?" Adam asked, I could hear his mom talking in the background. That woman didn't like me. I wasn't crazy about her either though.

I took a breath, trying not to sound like I'd just been destroyed emotionally.

"Um, nope, I'm free. Why?" I asked, though I knew the answer.

"Wanna meet up at the Dot? I'm bored," He said, I swallowed that little bit of heartbreak left inside me.

"Sure, see you there." I said, and hung up right away.

As much as I wanted to sit at home, and stare at the wall, and grieve about my new single life. I knew I needed to get out, it'd make me feel better. At least, I think it would.

I met up with Adam at the Dot, he was on his phone, texting or something. When it came to cell phones, Adam was the King Nerd.

"Hey dude," I said, he didn't reply, he stared at his cell phone screen.

"Adam?" I repeated, he slowly looked up at me. His eyes expressed concern and curiosity.

"You and Clare broke up?" He asked, almost speechless. I sat down and bought back the pain of hearing Clare's voice. I slowly nodded.

"Yes. But how'd you know?" I asked him, he showed me his cell phone screen, he was on Facebook. Clare had changed her relationship status from, "in a relationship" to "single". It wasn't enough that Clare and I were over, but to actually read it in person hurt like fucking hell.

I stared at the floor, Adam didn't say anything for a couple of minutes.

"Man, I'm so sorry. What happened? You two were like soul mates, I thought." Adam said, I looked up at him.

"I thought so, too. But apparently I'm suffocating her." I said, I expected Adam to agree and say something like how lame that was. But he just looked at me.

"Adam? Do you agree with Clare?" I asked, paranoid. Adam bit his lip.

"Adam, answer me." I said, Adam sighed, "You can be a little overwhelming sometimes, Eli."

I rolled my eyes, "You couldn't of told me this sooner?" I asked him, he shrugged. "I didn't know this would happen! I'm not psychic!" Adam yelled, I couldn't hold back my smirk. Adam was such a weird kid.

But maybe that's the reason we got along.

Before I could say a word, Adam was looking off at something or somebody behind me.

"What are you looking at?" I asked him, his jaw dropped, and he pointed for me to look as well. I turned around and saw automatically what he was looking at as well.

It was a girl, but not just another girl at the Dot. She had long platinum blonde hair, it was long and cut into layers. Her skin was pale white, it embraced the darkness of her black eye makeup even more. She wore it heavy and messy, but in the most flattering way.

She had on a black strapless longer shirt, tight black leather pants, and big bulky Gothic styled boots with white skulls on the strap.

I watched her. I couldn't take my eyes away from her.

She wasn't like any of the standard Degrassi girls. She was different, misunderstood, she reminded me of myself in some ways.

I stared at her. I'd never stared at anyone this way since Julia. I hadn't even stared at Clare in such a hypnotic way.

This girl was drop dead gorgeous. I needed to know her name.

As I was trapped in her beauty, she slowly turned and looked around, scanning the crowd of people at the Dot. She stopped when her eyes reached me.

Her eyes met mine. The gaze lasted a couple of seconds. Her eyes spoke of mysterious and danger. Similar to the effect I was told mine spoke of, as well.

Her lips formed a small smile, almost like a smirk.

I didn't blink, I just watched her.

Then she stopped smiling and looked away. But it was enough to last me the entire week.

She was flawless.


	5. Chapter 5

Sinking Slowly

Chapter Five

Eli's POV

I can't stop thinking about that girl at the Dot.

There was something about her I couldn't put my finger on.

But no matter, I'll probably never see her again.

I've gotten use to heartbreak. It seems to be something I can't escape.

I sat there with Adam. I hadn't told him about the girl I'd seen. It wasn't my style to go run and tell him all about my crushes. I wasn't the gossiping type. More of the loner, secretive type. It worked for me though.

"So man, how are you doing with the whole Clare thing?" He asked me. I'd almost forgotten about it. Thanks Adam.

"Clare who?" I replied. I know I shouldn't bottle it up and hide it, but I wasn't about to let all my feelings out. No, I wasn't over Clare. Far from it actually.

"Eli, I know you don't wanna talk about her. But you can't just forget it. What you two had was special." Adam said, as he looked me in the eyes. I looked away. He read me all too well.

"If you haven't noticed I'm not the verbally expressive type." I said, as I glanced over to the entranceway, I saw Clare walking in. She wore a blue floral dress. It looked amazing on her. I loved when she wore dresses, they showed how innocent and gorgeous she really was.

Stop it Eli. She hurt you.

"I know you're not. But you could at least say something besides pretending it never happened." Adam said, I glared at Adam.

"Adam, this is how I deal with things." I told him, he sighed, "And look how well you turned out." He muttered, I hit him in his arm with a smirk. He laughed.

"I didn't turn out that bad." I said, as my voice trailed off. I was a dark secretive hoarder with slight anger problems and a hearse. Yeah, I was _perfect._

"Eli, I could name over a million reasons why that statement isn't true." Adam said, I rolled my eyes. "Whatever dude," I said, Adam grinned, "I'll see you later." He said and walked off.

Gotta love Adam.

I walked into my first period, chemistry. I didn't know anyone, I didn't care either. Instead I just sat in the back and looked at old picture of Clare and I. I was depressing, I knew it. But I can't help that.

Suddenly after the bell rang, I heard the teacher's annoying ass voice, as I glanced up to pretend to care, I saw her.

The girl at the Dot.

I fought back my shock.

"Everyone we have a new addition to our class." Said the teacher. The girl stood there, emotionless. She wore a black ruffle dress, red fishnet tights, and laced up black converse. Her hair was messy and down, but it fitted her.

"This is Ve-" Before the teacher could finish, the girl cleared her throat loudly. She glanced at the teacher for a brief moment and then back to the class. The teacher took a breath, "Her name is Vee Murphy. She's from New York."

New York, eh? New Yorkers are pretty high – class, so I've heard from Adam.

I'm sure she'd be easy to win over though. I mean, I am Eli Goldsworthy.

We all waited for the girl to say something, but she didn't. She stood there, emotionless. The teacher bit her lip then spoke up, "Um, Vee, you can take a seat where ever you like." Said the teacher, Vee nodded and slowly began to walk towards me. As much as I wanted her to sit beside me in the vacant seat, she didn't. She choose an empty chair two rows up from me. But not before locking her eyes with mine.

I stared at her, her pale lovely skin, her glittering eyes, it all drew me in. They spoke of secrets and mysteries. You could tell she'd been through something big in her life. She had something about her that made you want to get to know her.

My lips formed a smirk, but she didn't return the favor of a smile or a wink. She just looked away and sat down.

Finally, lunch time.

I liked this time, being able to hang with some friends. Right now though, I just had Adam. Normally I sat with Clare and talked about the most random things ever imaginable. But Clare was with some friends from photography club today, not like I expected anything different.

Adam bailed on me for Fiona. Again, I wasn't mad at that. I bailed on him countless times for Clare…so it was only fair.

I sat alone, normally I would've listened to my iPod. But I left it at home, of course.

I didn't mind being alone, I actually preferred it. But today was different. Being alone ate away to me. I think I'd gotten use to having Clare beside me all the time, but being without her effected me in many different ways. Some I didn't even understand.

I looked over and saw her – Vee.

She was sitting by herself, outside, on the stairs. She was holding a notebook and a pen, writing quickly. Her face was concentrated. As much as I didn't want to disturb her, I couldn't help myself. The thought of actually talking to her consumed me.

Before I knew it, I was walking toward her.

I paused and stood there, waiting for her to say something. She didn't. She continued writing and didn't look up…as if I wasn't there.

I cleared my throat, "Um, hi." I said, waiting for her to respond. She didn't look up at me when she spoke, "I'm busy." She replied, as she continued writing. I bit my lip, then replied. "I see that and I'm sorry to bother you. I just noticed you sitting alone." I said, she didn't look up. She didn't say a word, it felt like an awkward amount of hours. But it was only at the most a couple minutes.

I cleared my throat, hoping to get her attention. She paused from her writing and looked up at me. Those sparking eyes met mine.

"You're still here?" She asked me, her expression was impossible to read.

I thought about how to respond.

"I thought maybe you'd want some company." I suggested, she sighed and looked back down to her paper and continued to write.

She spoke, "I don't." She said, I wouldn't give up so early though.

"Care to clue me in as to why?" I asked her, if she was going to act rude and emotionless, I could too.

She shrugged her shoulders, but remained unreadable, "People don't like me. I don't like people." She said. She had a point. I use to be completely anti-social after Julia died. Then I met Clare. She changed that…but I understood how she felt.

"I don't buy the people don't like you part. You're too pretty to dislike." I said with my smirk, hoping to get a positive response. She looked at me and raised an eyebrow, "Looks are deceiving." She said, I nodded.

"True, but there are such things as exceptions." I said, as my legs began to get tired. I wanted to sit beside her so badly, but right now it wouldn't end well…for me.

"Not in every case." She said, and smiled slightly, she smirked actually. I was impressed with her smirking skills. Not many can pull it off as well as me.

"You don't know that for sure. I mean, maybe you could make an exception for your little anti-social rule." I said, as I looked into her eyes. She didn't look away, she looked curiously at me.

"What kind of exception?" She asked, it seemed as though she expected me to just leave. Little did she know I wouldn't give up without a fight.

"An exception for me." I said, as I sat down beside her, I waited for her to refuse my joining her. But she didn't, she even smiled a little.

"And why would I do that?" She questioned me, with a mischievous smirk.

"Because I think we could get along really well." I said, she looked away, then back at me. "I've heard that before." She said, as if she didn't want to believe that maybe just maybe someone saw through her.

"But you haven't heard it from me." I said, matter-of-factly. She pondered this for a moment, I watched her carefully.

"And who are you again?" She asked me, as she looked down at my necklace, but back to me. I smirked, "Eli Goldsworthy." I said, she shut her eyes for a moment, as if trying to store my name inside her head. Then she opened them and closed her notebook.

"Well Eli Goldsworthy, I'll consider making an exception, for you." She said with a slight smile. She slowly stood up and brushed herself off. Before she walked away, she turned back around to me, "Don't get your hopes up though." She said, and turned around and walked off. I watched her carefully.

She was secretive, quiet, and distant. But it was everything that I was looking for.

Not to mention she was attractive, always a plus.

I wanted to know her even more though.

I didn't care what it took, I would get to know her.

There was something about her that would've turned others away, just the way she came off. But I wouldn't just walk away.

As soon as I talked to her I knew I wanted to know her more.

Even though she didn't seem to want to let anyone in,

I'd find a way inside of her head.

Little did I know that maybe she was too much….even for me to handle.

**So, I'm sorry I haven't written in like a billion years! I've been busy.**

**I had a crappy day. My ipod and money got stolen. /:**

**So writing makes it better.**

**Plus, the Jesus Etc. Part 1 = OMG.**

**Clare and Eli? I wonder what'll happen.**

**Anyways, REVIEW? PLEASE? I had a rough week.**

**Thanks :D**


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